Up and Down

My mood has been very even for a long time, I think the CBT course I did online with a Sydney hospital last year helped me more than I realised at the time.  I have learned to control my thoughts therefore have a better control over my feelings, and most of all not to "catastrophise" things that really aren't important in the overall scheme of things.  Today for the first time in a little while I felt really blue.  Started out feeling good, got up, showered and dressed put loads in washer and dishwasher and got out the door on time to drop the kids at school then take Phill to Temora to work.  I enjoy the long country drives on my own so it was nice coming home with a cup of coffee and just having time to myself.  Got home and put an Irish stew in the slow cooker for our dinner, kids can have steak, chips and eggs the little heathens.  Phone call from Emily just before their lunchtime to come and get her, said she got out early.  I took a test after lunch which took about an hour then went and asked if she was going back to school and she said it was too late.  I know what is coming and I'm not going to let it get to me this time, I can't, it nearly killed me before, and that ISN'T catastrophising!  She is 17, she doesn't have to be at school by law and while I will go up there about the art situation, because I don't think it's right, I shouldn't have to be running interference with the school all the time because she won't approach her teachers and ask for help.  If she drops out again so be it, she won't be getting any luxuries from us.  She can look for a job, even if it means relocating. She has relatives in Albury, a large regional city, as well as in Sydney and Kate in Perth.  I had to leave home at 16 and get a job as we too lived in the country, also my home life was appalling with my drunken brother having returned home. 
I saw an ad for a free tertiary preparation course, done online, through one of the universities and applied for it, and did the application test today which consisted of English and Maths.  I am pretty sure I got 100% for the English and surprised myself with some of the maths but I have always been terrible at maths, only scraped through at school because my teacher in year 10 was the director of the musical comedy show we were doing and passed us all that year.  I really hope I get into the course, it would be a great way for me to ease myself back into studying.  I am not sure I want to do a uni course, it's so expensive, but who knows?  I would love to get back into real estate, that was one job I really enjoyed, not sales, but property management.  Anyway I have to wait and see now.  I finished the English test in 21 minutes out of the allotted half hour and that was only because this mobile internet can be a bit slow.  The maths I did in 14 minutes only because I had to guess most of the answers as I had no clue what they were talking about.  I haven't told anyone here about it, and won't until I get accepted.  I can't believe how much confidence I have lost over the years.  But that will come back, it's all about attitude.  I know I am capable of a good many things, and am not too old to start studying, and even working again if I really want to.
I'm taking a break before I go and get Josh from school.  We've really packed up everything we can for now.  I leave the kitchen till last for obvious reasons, although I packed a few things we won't need and cleaned out the cupboard under the sink and threw stuff away and packed other things and just left in there what we will need to clean the house.  We don't hand the keys in till Monday, so will have Sunday to get the cleaning done.  It's been so much easier with Phill home.  The last couple of times he's been working and the lion's share of the packing (and unpacking) was left to me and it was really hard.  As soon as we get the keys on Thursday morning, we can start taking things up there with the trailer and get those sorted before the removalist comes Saturday afternoon for the big stuff. 
Well off to get my boy, and I feel better just for blogging.  No one might be reading but it's sure helping me get things off my chest.