Not So Happy Anniversary

Today we've been married for 19 years.  There was no question of him going to Victoria, even though he was still crook.  This will help us to have a nicer Christmas not to mention getting back on track with the bills.  And we've had anniversaries apart before, but we always had a dinner either before or after.  This year we just didn't.  It is harder because after some hard times lately, we've been getting along better.
But in spite of everything I am glad I married him.  My life has been much more interesting, exciting and enriched because of him.  Oddly I spent the afternoon fielding text messages from Matthew.  I am not sure what his angle is, whether he is trying to get closer to Kate via me (he clearly doesn't know her, she will do EXACTLY what she wants no matter what I think),  or whether he is having some nostalgia about our relationship, which was passionate and volatile and his first.  I just know it makes me appreciate my husband more and more.
My back has got bad again, will have to try to see the doctor next week.  The kids have been lovely, helping me out this afternoon.  It's getting so hot and we've discovered the a/c doesn't work properly, I went to see our lovely real estate today to let them know. 
I'm going to do our Christmas cards in the next few days when I can get the kids organised, we have some ideas and I've found a place who can print them for less than what I normally pay and I don't have to order a set amount, I don't send many cards out these days and the past two years I've had leftovers.
Our wedding day was a good one.  I was pregnant with Sarah, and we joked about shotguns (we were both in our 30s and had been married before).  On the way into the city we saw a dead body, covered by a sheet lying in the gutter in Newtown and I wondered to myself as we drove by if it was some sort of omen.  Or did I wonder that later on, when death touched our marriage?  We were married in the registry office which at that time was in Haymarket in Sydney, and we had our reception in a Chinese restaurant nearby in Chinatown.  Little Kate, and my great niece Tani were our sweet little flower girls, they were both 4, and our then friends Narelle and Ray were out witnesses.  We drove on to Forster for the first night of our honeymoon and had a lovely night in a motel, swimming in the pool in the dark and watching the confetti that had stuck in my hair, float out and away from us.  I still have some confetti in the soft black leather handbag I carried that day.  The next day we drove up to Coolum in Queensland, where Phill's brother had a timeshare type high rise apartment right on the beach.  I was of course pregnant and had morning sickness and it rained for most of the time we were there, and we both kept saying "Katy would love this" so were very glad to get home to her and start our married life and prepare for our first baby together.  We hardly knew each other, having only met in the July of that year.  In just four and a bit months we had met, fallen in love, got pregnant, got engaged and then married.  I honestly don't know what I was thinking, I'd been on my own with Kate for over four years, happily with no interest in re-marrying.  Meant to be?  I don't know.
Tired tonight, not sleeping because of my back so an early night for me.