Interesting Week

Gosh where to start?  I have always tried to blog about everything that goes on in my life but events of the past week or so have me in a bit of a headspin for want of a better word.
My fourth child, Kate, was born out of a relationship I had in my late twenties with a man, boy, who is eight years younger than me.  We lived together for a couple of years but when I got pregnant with Kate he couldn't deal with it and we broke up.  He has never seen her in person and they have never had any contact.  He paid child support for her until Phill and I got married, Phill has been her "real" dad ever since, and his mother and step father were a part of our lives till then also, they used to come and visit her every second weekend.
I recently made contact with him, on a whim, although I don't believe there are any accidents where that sort of thing is concerned.  There was a lot of unfinished stuff between the two of us, and on a much bigger scale, the non relationship between him and Katy.  She is not interested in having any contact with him, although I feel it's a bit of a front with her.  She doesn't have a relationship with Phill these days, but she's always been loyal to him and never wanted to hurt him by being interested in her biological father.  He isn't bothered by any of this, which is a credit to him.  He considers her his own child and always has.  It will be interesting to see how it all pans out.  I agonised over whether I should bring this up with her but it's out there now.
Having this renewed contact with Matthew, and we've had a couple of phone conversations, has made me appreciate my husband in a new way.  Matt abandoned me and Kate.  Phill fell in love with both of us, Katy and I (she was three) and has never wavered.  On Thursday we will have been married for 19 years and while it hasn't always been happy, I realise now that most of it has been pretty good.
He is sick with a bad cold and my feelings in wanting to take care of him have surprised me.  I love him, that has never been an issue, for either of us, I know he loves me too.  But now it's more than that, we have this shared history, these children that we have raised, and are still raising.
We have just been through a pretty scary financial crisis as well, our irresponsible behaviour with money coming back to bite us, but we sorted that out, and things are looking better for our future.  Times are going to pretty tough for the next few months but it's all for better tomorrows.
Our old friend Barry, who sadly lost his wife Dot in February, came for a visit on the weekend.  It was so good to see him again, and he looked really well.  We had a lovely visit.  The kids were well mannered and came out and spent some time with him.  They had already said to me that they didn't know what to say to him and I told them to talk about their memories of Dot, who always used to bring them a little treat when she visited, because one thing bereaved people want to do, is to talk about their lost loved one.  This is something that many people struggle with and indeed my blogger friend Middle Child touched on this in a recent post.  You won't hurt them by your memories, they WANT people to remember.  It hurts more when people ignore the loss or want to always change the subject.  We talked about Dot a lot while Barry was here, and remembered good times we'd always had together, the four of us.  It was a bit strange for me, because I've only ever known them as a couple and she was missed so much by all of us.  He is doing well, although we could see the change in him, that sadness that is always there behind the eyes of a bereaved spouse or parent, it's unmistakeable and never really leaves us.
Josh has finished his exams and did okay, I don't think he has reached his full potential though, he is a smart boy but a bit lazy.

 

 

 

 

And yes the two old friends had a beer or two.

And I got our Christmas turkey for half price!  It's going to be a very simple Christmas for us this year but the kids understand why and are being really great about it, I'm actually really proud of both of them.  And when the Mickey Mice (Phill's old employer who he still does some work for and who never, ever paid us on time) bunged it on again for a week's wages when we desperately needed it for bills, my darling Katy offered to lend us some money, no questions asked.  We didn't need it in the end, but what great kids we have.

Talked to my Mum on Sunday when I was having my usual end of year boiled fruit cake dilemma and she actually found the old coconut cake recipe of my aunt's which had been lost for years.  It wasn't lost on me that all too soon I won't be able to ring her for stuff like that, I will appreciate her while I have her.  The coconut cake recipe is lovely, I'll put it on my recipe blog when I get it from Mum.

Poor Phill is still so sick and had to go to Yarrawonga for a week or so, which will be a godsend for us right on Christmas, money wise, it will make the difference in how we celebrate.  My hero!  We were so broke still that I cooked up a big beef and vegie casserole, and a curried sausage meal in the slow cooker and he took five days worth of dinners to microwave as well as half the boiled fruit cake.  At least he will eat healthily!

My wonderful son just told me he likes "poverty" because I always make it fun.  We aren't in poverty of course, our bills are all paid and we have food in the fridge.  But it was sweet of him to say it.  I made crab cakes, oven fries and salad for our dinner tonight.  The crab was the tub leftover from his birthday that we never opened.  Tomorrow it's meatloaf (one of his favourites, Em can have eggs or something fussy little thing she is).  Speaking of Emily, she is doing so well, she's been going out with her friend Sindy, and even had her over last week for a swim and had a sleepover at her house on Friday night.  She looks happy for the first time in so long and we are getting along really well.  I just hope that returning to school next year works out for her as there really isn't any alternative for her while ever we live in this town. 

Well I'm off to phone my poor sick husband.