You CAN Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

After the last melt down I think I've finally learned some things.  While life is all about not giving up and picking yourself up and trying again, it isn't just about that.  It's about truly learning and doing something different, thinking about how thoughts and actions can have such a huge impact, changing the rules, mixing things up a bit, and tweaking things to fit the current circumstances.  While recovering, I did a lot of thinking, but also research into nutrition for mental health and other things, about "right thinking" and coming to the realisation that there is no help out there for us, we have to fix things ourselves from the inside.
If I have made my choice to stay, and there really isn't a choice right now, at least not one that is reasonable to me, I will do everything I can to make things better here for all of us.  Someone has to lead this family and it's going to be me.
So no more low fat shit as an option for good health.  It's all about whole foods and keeping things as natural as possible.  I tend to that naturally anyway, I always have, I've just let the kids lead the way with food and eating, and have given in.  I know a lot of the problems both they and I have mentally are to do with nutrition.  I knew this all along, but some concentrated reading on what preservatives and meddling with foods can do to our brains has alarmed me and also reinforced my gut feelings.
I have stopped buying the "Wonder White" bread that they insist on, saying it's got fibre in it (forgetting all the other crap in there as well) and am only buying wholemeal and wholegrain.  They refused to eat it at first but I got up this morning to find half the loaf gone so someone is eating it.  Josh is really on board with it, but he will be the hardest nut to crack as he is so fussy.  They'll get used to it.  I can remember a time when my older three were little that there was never white flour or white anything in my kitchen and the kids knew no difference.  But baby steps, I'm not going to shock them all at once and will take it little at a time. 
For myself, I am feeling better every day, still have a way to go and a few hurdles to conquer but I know now I also have to work on my thinking, not just my doing, to make any progress.
I have been much more in touch with my spiritual side too, and doing what I feel is right and it's making a difference.
I've been swimming every day for four days and plan to continue even if it's not so warm.  Emily and I had swimming races yesterday and I was so tired last night, properly tired, and had the best sleep I've had in a while.  Didn't even hear that fucking wattle bird that usually wakes me at 5.30ish every day.
I have energy and motivation and it's going to stay that way.  There will be problems ahead, especially with Emily and I will face them and deal with them, not run away and hide like I have been.  I thought I could just sign her off to Phill, but he's making things worse and she needs me, now more than ever. She's still my child and I have to do the best for her even if she is very difficult and downright nasty.
It's a beautiful morning here, our first Spring in this house and I'm loving seeing everything coming to life.  We have a rosella nesting in the tree on the footpath just beyond our lounge room windows, I hope she's alright after last night's storm.  Our new umbrella, which we forgot to take down, is currently upside down in the pool.