Hurt, Pissed Off but Not Surprised

I really thought Emily was growing up a bit and making some sort of progress after the years of acting out and all that went with it (including my sanity!)
The other night I ordered pizza for the kids and left money by the front door for it.  Emily went to the door and paid and I meant to ask her for the $20 change but forgot.  The next morning we needed lunch money for Josh for school and I went in to wake her and ask where the money was.  She said she didn't know and handed her father some change that she had in there, (which was also ours, God knows she doesn't have a fucking job).  I knew she had taken the $20 but she continued to deny it with ridiculous stories that kept changing.  Then this morning she had the audacity to come and ask me to return the change she'd given Phill!  He even tried to make excuses for her, even though she has stolen and lied many times before.  She got uppity with me as usual and tried to turn the whole thing around on me.  I refused to give her any money, obviously.  Later she got dressed and went out, I knew she was off to spend the stolen money on junk food etc.  When she came back Phill and I were cleaning the pool and when she came outside I went in and checked her handbag.  Sure enough she had two large bags of sweets, three packs of balloons (they were using them in the pool) and some Tic Tacs.  She would also have bought herself some greasy crap while down the street as well.  I didn't say anything, what is the point, it would only somehow end up being my fault and her histrionics upset the whole household.  I did go and tell Phill.  He didn't say much.  Later he saw her with the balloons and asked where she got the money for them, and she said it was the money HE GAVE HER!  He had given her money to go down the street, not much but that isn't the point.
It's not the money that is the issue, it's the lying and the manipulation to try to put the blame on me as usual, and he seems to fall for it every time.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the odd one out here, I gave up trying to discipline Emily long ago and leave it up to her father, who does fuck all really and indulges her and has no consistency.  If I thought it was out of love and kindness it probably wouldn't be so bad, but I suspect it's more about male ego and the refusal to believe the fruit of his loins could be so flawed.
I know there is an end in sight for me, Josh will be finished school in a few years and then I will be out but sometimes it just gets so, so hard.
I am proud of myself though, Phill came in and said harshly "What are you crying for?"  I told him it was personal and I didn't want to talk about it as being yelled and sworn at would only make me feel worse.  There is no point in talking about this, I've tried and it doesn't change anything.  I'll just let them wallow in their own shit which is what will happen eventually.  I will not dwell on this, I've had my cry and had my vent here and I'll learn from it and move on.  Trouble is I'm still her mother, she is still my child and can't help letting her hurt me, as much as I try.  At least that shows I still have some human feeling left, when sometimes I feel like I don't anymore.
Good news though.  A small win, we went to the pool shop in  Young yesterday to get the pool water tested and some advice on how to get the vaccuum working.  Got the chemicals and it didn't cost as much as we thought it would and got some good advice and today we both got out there got the vaccuum going and got a lot done. 
Also, Phill took some time off during the imminent school holidays and was bleating about going back up to Bourke.  Give me strength.  I mean it was lovely to see the "outback" and to have that VERY recent visit, but no way was I doing it again so soon.  I won't go fishing in the boat with them as nobody is allowed to speak and if I get my line tangled up I get shouted at so I just don't go with them now.  So I said I would stay here.  What?  Nobody to cook, clean, pack, unpack, book the accommodation etc etc etc?  He put off booking, and in the meantime the kids told me on the QT that they really didn't want to go up there, especially for a whole week.  I told him that, but then they backpedalled, not wanting to hurt his feelings, to their credit.  Whatever.  I didn't care, go or don't go.  Suddenly he came up with the idea of going across to the coast instead.  Now he's talking!  More chance of catching an edible fish there, (I don't like freshwater fish, they taste like the mud they live in), and more for Mummy to do.  I adore the ocean, we lived right next to it when I was a teenager when my parents moved us up to the North Coast of NSW and I still miss it, and feel alive whenever I am near it.  But he still wouldn't do the research and make the booking.  School term ends next Friday.  So I did it myself today, we are going to a lovely little town on the far south coast, the resort is on both the ocean and an estuary with reknowned great fishing.  I can't WAIT.  So that is something to look forward to.
There is something to said for this blogging, even if nobody is really reading these days, I feel soooo much better already.