Rainy Tuesday

I ended up confronting Emily about the stuff she wrote.  Perhaps I shouldn't have read it, I wish I hadn't but of course she turned it into "how dare you read my stuff".  I asked her why she lies and why it's always me she targets, it's one thing to write to let off steam, we all do that, but why write such horrible lies and why leave it lying around where it can be seen?  She included Josh and Phill in her vitriol by saying they both want me gone etc etc.  I told her calmly that I'd really had it with her shit, I have bent over backwards to try to help her.  I take her to her counsellor each week and spend the two hours every Thursday attending group only to listen to her lie and manipulate and I'm sick of all of it.  I told Phill I wouldn't go to the mediation on Thursday and he could handle it.  Through all the drama after she was arrested I was disregarded by everyone involved, nobody would talk to me, they'd bypass me and talk to him just because she spun them some story about how abusive I am.  I let her rant for a bit and went and had a bath, I had said my piece there was no point in going on about it.  Phill and I also got into the snoring thing, I want him to go and see a doctor to see if there is something that can be done, and I also suggested he try to lose some weight, he's a stroke waiting to happen.  He refused on both counts and told me to have a sleep in the daytime.  I wondered aloud if I have to make the movie room into a bedroom for me even though it shouldn't be me who gives up my bed as I'm not causing the problem.  He got angry (of course) and said he would get a sofa bed today and sleep out there.  Yay me!  He slept on the lounge last night, and when I got up to get a drink of water I could hear him snoring loudly.  Poor Josh whose room is right behind the lounge.
I asked him how his sister was and he said "happy".  She is dying.  While I know that people who are facing death often find a deep peace and acceptance I feel uneasy about it and can't help wondering if it's just more of the eldest child thing, wanting to take care of everyone and making sure everyone else is okay.  I hope I am wrong and I really hope they're all dealing with the reality of what is about to happen.
Had to get a cab to school this morning and I went down and got myself a new stick blender, my old one is about sixteen years old, I won it when I was pregnant with Emily, not many appliances last that long, and it still works it's just old. This new one has more power and comes with a chopper bowl and a blending jug.  I mainly use the old one for pureeing vegies to put in things for the kids but this new one will do a lot of stuff that I'd normally have to get out the food processor or blender for. 
The JJ woman rang last night but of course no barstard answers the phone in this house and I was talking to Kate on my mobile.  She rang again this morning so I changed the outgoing answering machine message to say the usual stuff but then "If it's about Emily please call Phill on xxxxx"  She got the message and rang him and it's set up for 1pm Thursday.  I have to ring the counsellor to see if she will attend and if not to cancel Em's therapy appointment which is scheduled for the same time.  I may or may not go.  Kate thinks I should, she had a long talk with the JJ woman the other night and said she, as the victim, can ask for certain outcomes as terms of the mediation.  To be honest I'm past caring now, all I want is for her to stop being so abusive towards everyone and to just go to bloody school or get a job.  That's it.  There is only so much help you can give someone before they have to take things into their own hands and help themselves.  Even your own child.  She will be 16 in March and I have to remind myself that I was living out on my own at that age, working and independent.
Phill was going to bbq last night but was pissed off with me so I had to cook the meat on the stove, I called out to Emily to see what she wanted and got told to "Fuck off".  Not sure what she ate but I certainly didn't cook it. 
This morning she had lost her wallet and accused me of taking it.  She said she wouldn't go to school if I didn't give it back.  I just said "Do what you want, I have done my duty and woken you up, I don't care if you go or not".  That took her back a bit.  The wallet was under the coffee table and she went to school.
We just had a lovely thunder storm and the air is fresh and cool and clean after the unseasonably warm day yesterday.  I am still in awe of the views we have from this house, I can see farmland from every window in the front and side.  Well my chair arrived and I'm off to put it together.  It's going in the bedroom so I can have my massage thingy that I got for Christmas set up all the time.
LATER

We had a big hail storm while I was putting the chair together (that's what the white stuff is).

I got the chair put together, it's perfect for the massage cushion.  I put Harley on it for fun and she decided she liked it and settled down and had a snooze.

So now it's in the corner of the bedroom, set up permanently.

Phill gave it to me last Christmas but we never had the right chair to use it on.  It finally works the way it's supposed to, and it's a nice spot by the window (when it's not bin night).

Emily continued to be horrible to me on the way home from school.  The JJ woman set up an appointment for the mediation and in spite of me telling him last night that I wouldn't go, he just assumed that I would and now has to work even though he said he'd make sure he was there. 

Not my problem they can sort it out.  Nobody wanted to consult me when all the drama was going on so they don't need me now.