I know what set this off, it was Phill's arseholeness before he left. I could care less about what he thinks these days, but it kind of reminded me of the empty hole my marriage, and often my life, is these days. No, for now there is nothing I can do about it, I have turned the situation upside down and inside out looking for a solution and there just isn't one for the short term. I just have to bide my time and learn how to cope with it and be as happy as I can be within myself and enjoy the kids as they grow (too fast) into adulthood.
My Katy is living in a fucking backpacker hostel having been kicked out of where she was living. I hate, hate, hate that. She was trying to be cheerful last night when I spoke to her but I just want her home and safe with me. Not going to happen and I have to let go I know I do, she's a grown woman of 21. But she's still my baby girl.
My ex husband rang me yesterday morning. I really believe things happen for a reason. He is quite a bit older than me, by 17 years, and his life hasn't turned out the way he wanted either, and he was a bit melancholy and told me he still loved me and wished we were together. It made me sad because that is never going to happen. But it also made me feel good, that someone appreciates me as a woman and a wife when my own husband doesn't. I can talk to him like a girlfriend and I am glad he is in my life again. I want my stepchildren back in my life again too and will work on that. Their mother was murdered when they were all very young and they have no mother figure in their lives, Serge's wife after me was abusive to them I found out yesterday which was shocking. When we were married I loved, and treated those children like my own. They are all married with children of their own now. The one who was closest to me, actually lives in Young now but she was the one who took my leaving the hardest and is reluctant to renew our relationship.
I'm off now to run around the backyard a few times with my tongue hanging out, in true crazy lady manner.
Harley Rose with her kittens, Patches and Millie (who is also a boy we found out, name change needed.)
3 comments:
Your poor step children to loose their mother like that!!
So shocking, yet I am so glad they had you to be a mother to them.
It's nice that your ex appreciates you- I think there is a worldwide shortage of appreciation for mothers.
Dont they say variety is the spice of life- you have to have bad days in order to recognise the good ones.
I hope this day passes by quickly for you.
you are appreciated by more than you know.
I'm convinced that the holiday of Ostara brings out mental issues. I'm reading all over the blogosphere about depression and mania. Also, my psycho ( who is awesome-0 ) told me that people tend to cycle most in the Spring and Autumn. Spring is usually more intense though.
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