DISCLAIMER;
IF YOU ARE AN OLD LADY OR THINK OLD LADIES CAN'T BE BITCHES DON'T READ FURTHER.
Actually it is my mother's birthday today, I jumped the gun yesterday and got the day wrong. I had already sent her a cute card and a lottery pack. Mum is notoriously guilty of being very critical of any gift she is given so a lottery pack is the easy way out. Not that she'd share any winnings with us.
So I rang her mid morning today and got not the answering machine but 101 which meant she was either on the phone or had her machine turned off. The card I sent her would have got there before today because as I was a day in front I sent it express mail. Now my mother brought us upwith MANNERS. Her mother was English and worked in grand houses in London so MANNERS were always SO important. Mum is always spruiking about people not acknowledging gifts and actually stopped sending to grands and great grands because they never let her know they had received them. The last time I phoned her she was offhand. No biggie everyone has off days. But when I finally tracked her down this evening she was the same. What the fuck? What have I done? Or not done? Because I still have a young family I can't be visiting her every five minutes like my older sister can. I do (or did) phone her at least once a week and asked how she was doing etc. I was the only one who would let her talk about our brother Chris who was murdered.
Why, at 51, can my mother still hurt me so much? Why is she so cold and mean? I know she had a dodgy childhood but so did I for fuck sakes.
I talked to my darling big sister and she just said Mum is just Mum and won't change. But it still hurts. A lot.
I don't get, and never will, the "don't mention the war" approach. If there is a problem deal with it, talk about it, get it out in the open. Wonder why I'm the only one in the family who is like this? Mum always told me I wear my heart on my sleeve too much but I'm glad I do. Better that than keeping it all inside I reckon.
3 comments:
Sad to say, but it is what it is Trish.
I use to say that my dad would only be at peace when he passed away.
Had NO friends due to his mouth.
Alienated everyone.
Didn't need them he would say.
Always argumentative and the beer made him worst.
Only in his last days did I hear, "I love you" back when I would say it first.
Some of us need more than others.
Sadly it's your mum that can't give of herself.
You have every right to feel rejection and hurt as you are so much better than that.
It's not you, it's mum that has the problem. :0(
(((hugs)))
did you ever just ask her why she's so mean..?
You sound so much like me...I wasn't always like this but after a lifetime with don I know that the truth albeit delivered with tact is so important and it is so stupid to sulk...Sorry about your mum - mine was just the opposite and we talked and talked and talked ...mum's definition of a good visit was "Its sad to see you go but we had some really good talks didn't we?" But I have a sister who is a bit like how you say your mum is and sulks a lot over who knows what but its something someone has done to her - and they never find out what it is
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