Funny old day weatherwise, rain, sun, humidity, more rain and still Wagga remains strong against the Murrumbidgee shaping up.
Phill and I aren't getting along at all, I can pretend all I want but it is what it is. In my head I know what is going on, but my heart is a different matter and the tussle goes on, both with him, and with me and myself.
He was asleep ahead of night shift, the phone rang and I ran to answer it so it wouldn't wake him, not out of consideration more out of me just wanting the time without his presence. It was his mum. She wants to send some money for the kids' Christmas presents. This is the woman who I battled for many years, who I was horrible to and who forgave me and never cast me out of the family even at my very worst. She has lost two grandchildren, our Sarah, and Vicki, her eldest grandchild who died from a car accident before I met Phill. And now her firstborn, Phill's sister Vonnie is battling cancer. I asked what was happening for Christmas down there, and she told me that they were all going to Vonnie's and that Vonnie is getting all new decorations and stuff and wants it to be extra, extra special this year. The unspoken was that they think this may be Vonnie's last Christmas. I can't get it out of my mind, I feel like we should go down there for Christmas, at least for some of it. I told Phill and he didn't react much at all, what the fuck is wrong with him?
I had a whole lot of other stuff to waffle about but after writing that and then thinking more about it I just don't have the heart.
3 comments:
Wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better m/f.
some peoples way of handling things is not to ...
As with Don's useless brother - its too late to care and show love when they are dead...now is the time - and to actually spend a bit of time - not just a visit with everyone around - when Don's lovely little sister Judy was dying in 1998 - Don would park his wheelchair next to her bed, put the back down so he could rest beside her - and I would leave them - could hear them lowly chatting for house and laughing/ and crying - but when their brother came his whole family sat around like it was an ordinary day - but Judy was too ill to be a part of it. Unsure what their relationship is, but she would be wanting him to spend time - just for the sake of being a brother and sister
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