I woke up with the old dread of getting the kids to school. It was still early so I got the idea of reading through my blog entries (in my older blog) of this time last year. Fuck me dead will I never learn? It's like the same year just with a different name. I'm still battling with Emily, and Josh to a lesser extent. Last night I just wanted them to have their showers, as they hadn't had one in a couple of days. You'd think I'd asked them to cut off their arm or something. In the end I got up and turned everything off and went to bed and told them to do the same, they could go to school stinking for all I cared. They both had showers and went to bed themselves.
I'm still alone most of the time. I'm still struggling with my responsibilities. I'm still estranged from all my older four kids. And I'm still whining.
It's also still raining. We don't even need rain anymore and that is a shocker to type after so many years of longing for it. The bins had been in the back alley since rubbish day last Wednesday and I finally shuffled up there to bring them in and got wet in the process. The recycling bin is still just inside the gate way up past the stables.
In forty minutes it will be time to rouse the children and begin the teeth pulling task of getting them ready for school. The kid across the road walks. His mother is a single parent on benefits in government housing and doesn't have a car. He hasn't spontaneously combusted or anything yet from what I can gather. My car will run out of petrol soon anyway. I don't remember my mother ever driving me to school except on "first days", like when I started high school or started a new school when we left Sydney. I walked when we lived close enough and caught the bus when we didn't.
It's STILL raining.
In a week we will have been married for seventeen years. We got married on a Monday too. It's supposed to be a Chinese lucky day (the registry office was in Chinatown then). Hasn't felt overly lucky some of the time. But like I said to my mother in law the other day, nobody else would have us.
In conclusion, in summary, the upshot of it all is that
I DON'T APPEAR TO LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES.
2 comments:
Is that what I have to look forward to???
I stole your words. :0)chuckle
Just began my Diary in March of this year.
Must remember to look back at a year from then and see if I'm still bitching and whining.
Somehow...me thinks me will be!
"Fuck me dead" hahaha haven't heard that for a while - Don used to say "Fuck me drunk" as well duh!
Basically its a journal sort of a diary you are keeping - you may be a mother who is supposed to be perfect but you are a person first and none of us is perfect...seems to me you put in a fair effort with your family - don't beat yourself up - thats for others haha
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