Those barstards at TPG (our former internet provider) cut us off as arranged but didn't take all their codes off the line so the new Telstra connection could kick in. Finally Josh was able to set it up last night (clever boy, takes after his Dad) and this morning we set up the wireless and new email accounts and it's all running well and super fast. We got a really good deal bundling it with phone and mobile.
And in a way I'm glad I was offline during one of the darkest few days I have ever had. I was suffering from acute anxiety from waking to sleeping, all the time non stop. I know we had the crazy landlady problems and this stuff with Emily and also I had a bingle in the carpark but I've been through much worse than that and my reaction was totally over the top. I was crying all the time, and even paranoid. It was frightening and worrying for the poor kids who had to witness it all. I got out a book called "The Pause" that a friend had sent me years ago and read that this type of thing is very common in perimenopausal women. This revelation, while it didn't relieve my symptoms, relieved my mind, and helped me realise I wasn't losing my sanity. I talked to both my older sisters yesterday afternoon and they had similar problems (they are both a fair bit older than me) and just the act of talking about my problems made me feel better. I don't really have anyone to talk to these days, I have isolated myself so much bit by bit. I need to remedy that somehow, perhaps with volunteer work. I am back on my supplements, the Executive Stress B complex that always helps me, the St Johns Wort, magnesium, calcium and fish oil/glucosamine, and am making sure I take the required dosage. Next week I will go to the doctor and get them to do some blood tests to check my hormone levels and perhaps go back on some kind of antidepressants because I'm pretty sure that's come back too, classic symptoms like not wanting to eat, not finding pleasure in things I normally do, sleep disturbances etc. And Phill came home last night and that always makes me feel better. We have our fights but we have a lot of love too and just to have someone here to share the load helps enormously. He has allayed my silly fears as well. This thing with the crazy landlady really rattled me, it made me feel uncomfortable in my own home, like we're being watched somehow and that was a horrible feeling. But I think I'm getting a better perspective on it now and the law will take care of her if she doesn't pull her head in. Hopefully Liz calmed her down a bit and assured her we're not smashing up her house (it will fall down of it's own accord eventually due to her neglect of maintenance).
Yesterday, the kids had a run in with one of the bully girls from school who told Emily she would get her "head bashed in" at school on Monday. Emily is saying she won't go back, but Phill and I are going up there tomorrow to get it sorted once and for all. These girls aren't just bullying Emily they're doing it to other kids as well and we need to get names and band together to get something done. Her education shouldn't be compromised by a pack of cowardly little punks. Home schooling again is NOT an option, and nor is changing schools as she seems to have these problems wherever she goes. Josh has learned to keep a low profile at school and he is under a safety plan where he tells the DP where he and his friends sit and they just get the teachers to watch that area at break times. Everyone knows bullies are cowards and they won't do anything if they can be seen by adults. I think this would be a good thing for Emily until we get it all sorted out. We spent an hour and 20 minutes talking with the Deputy on Friday and to his credit he is really trying to help Emily. The other girl was suspended but Emily was only told not to attend on Friday until she can see the counsellor tomorrow. Counselling won't change things but will give Em some extra support. These bullies have to be stopped once and for all.
So I'm feeling a bit more like myself again today and have a plan of action. Light at the end of the tunnel shines once again.
2 comments:
I am now officially post menopausal - I started menopase at 43 - which is young - and I do know what you are going through re emotions...
My mum suffered cyclical depression and used to say she just had to do one day at a time and not seek to change to much about her life till the depression lifted - which it always did - I think she was one of the bravest of people to face this down - having to deal with the depressin and coming good again only to know that in a few months she would hardly be able to get out of bed...
that takes bravery...and no doubt you are pretty brave as welll - you have a lot on your plate to deal with - hope the bullying stuff gets sorted
When I am finding life too hard it really helps me to think about other people battling through their own versions of torment. For me I suffer from depression Its like a dark cloud that fogs my normal rational thinking. Life just becomes so hard. Not a nice friend to have around.
I can really relate to your comment about isolating yourself. I am guilty of that too. But I am not sure its healthy. Just easier sometimes.
I also find B vitamins really helpful for the depression. I hope your kids know there is a much bigger world out there after school.
Thinking of you
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