Winter Blues

I have really been struggling, with Phill losing his job and the money worries, then Emily leaving and now Josh is sick.  I haven't had the energy or the motivation to do anything, but I had to snap out of it when Josh relapsed.  This morning I started ringing the medical centre at 8.45 when they were supposed to be open only to be told they were still closed.  I rang and rang, at one stage I had the landline in one hand and my mobile in the other just pressing redial.  I really didn't want to take him to Junee as if he needed tests we'd be running down there for that.  I finally got through after 9am and got the last appointment.  You can't make appointments ahead here, you just have to ring on the day and hope for the best.  Ridiculous rule.  Anyway I picked him up at school and we saw the doctor.  He gave Josh some new medication and told him that his diet is very important.  And he still needs to lose weight, he has lost some since he's been walking to school but he has a way to go.  Phill dropped us off because he had to get some stuff faxed off to the union regarding our fight to get his entitlements our of El Shonko.  I said to Josh, "why don't we walk home?" and he agreed so we walked down town and got his script and then walked home.  I got him to eat some raw carrot, and pureed and grated some vegies into our rissole mix for dinner.  I have to get his health on track, if he doesn't get any better he has to have the gastroscope and neither the doctor or I am keen on that. 
Emily made spaghetti bolognaise for her and Kate last night.  Never done that before and she would never even eat that when I made it.  How things change.  She reckons if she doesn't eat there she dies, funny thing.
So I felt better when I got home and I know I have to get out of this house more.  I'm going to try to walk every day, Josh finishes school for the term next week so he won't have the school walk, so we can go together. 
Phill goes away for two days, tonight, so I can get in and get some work done in the house.
Well dinner's done, Josh didn't eat much but he tried.  Phill has just left, it's freezing outside and we're on our own for a few days.  I had to chastise the girls for not making contact today, well I rang Emily and Kate grabbed the phone,  control freak that she is.  I told her I expect Em to check in at least once a day so I know she is okay, she gets free Facebook on her phone so it's not costing her anything.  I don't think I'm asking too much, she is barely 17 years old.
Anyway I'm not going to worry tonight, going to put on my warm pjs, get the dog and the boy settled in for the night and try to forget everything.  Or at least focus on the positive because there are positives.  Phill has a job, albeit not his ideal job, Em has a future, I hope, Josh got an award at school and there doesn't appear to be anything serious wrong with him, We got through the month without an income and I got a wok with my frequent flyer points.   And I don't fly!!!
I think it's starting to really sink in now that she's gone either for good, or for a long time.  Today when it was the time she would normally get up and come out looking for food was hard, then I saw a group of pretty, long haired schoolgirls around her age walk past the house heading for the tennis courts across the road.  Josh and I have been comparing notes, he says things then says "
Eems would have so got that", and I remembered our holiday to Batemans Bay which will probably be our last family holiday together.  The funny little notes and drawings she would leave around the place.  We enjoyed dinner and had a nice conversation and I remarked to Josh that nobody had told him to shut up or that the boys were eating too loudly.  He said "that was her charm".  Poor little thing.  I think it's harder on him, we still have him but he doesn't have her.  I am going to make an effort to spend more time with him and get him out of that room and away from all the devices.  He's a lovely boy and is growing into a lovely young man, he's going to make some girl very happy one day.
Well Max is warm in his little hut in the garage and locked up for the night, got the pjs on and the cats will get turfed out or separated if they don't stop their hi jinks.