Judgement and "Bad" Mothers

Reading Karisma's and Lottie's blog posts for today has me really thinking.  Lottie's of course was a wonderful reflection on family holidays taken when her children were small, with a funny anecdote of leaving one of them behind on a ferry.  Karisma's was a little deeper and really, really resonated with me. 
The incident with the baby on the road, had me judging her mother very harshly, mainly because that baby must have been outside for quite a while before she came to find her.  As it turned out the woman wasn't the mother, but the babysitter, which led us to wonder if we should say something to the parents.  My kitchen window faces the side of their house and I see a lot of what they do, and they appear to be very involved and attentive parents and I was pleased it wasn't them who was responsible for their baby being in danger.  Moral dilemma, we don't know them and have never as much as exchanged a greeting.  I think they think I watch them, and I guess I do, because I spend a lot of time in my kitchen and at the sink which is under the window. 
I am judged a lot, by my family, and by others, because I tend to tell it like it is and don't put up with idiots.  I have made mistakes, lots of them and have of course also been judged for those.  As far as being a mother goes, my older three were raised without me, a very long and involved story, with a lot of the circumstances beyond my control at the time.  It got to the point, after I had Katy, and later when my other children were born, I was very selective with who I told the story to, or even mentioned that my older three weren't in my custody, so harshly was I judged, always by other mothers, without them even knowing the bare bones of my story.  We women can be so hard on each other, especially where our children are concerned.  I am a lot kinder to myself these days, I know I have done the best with what I have, and continue to do so today.  And I try hard to also be kinder to others.  That's all we can do.
Em home from school today, she has no classes on Wednesday.  And Josh has a half day as they haven't organised the sport choices yet, and they make them play mindless games out in the playground in 32C heat which is ridiculous.
My mother, sister and sister's partner embark on their cruise to New Zealand today.  The cruise we had planned for our 20th wedding anniversary, is not going to happen, obviously.  There will be nothing to celebrate.  I hope they have a wonderful time, Mum turned 87 on Sunday and it's great she can still get out and do these things, and she is so lucky to have both my sisters to watch out for her, as they live much closer to her than I do, and no longer have families at home to care for.
Emily got in the pool with me yesterday afternoon, and spoke of her depression and I told her I understood and she asked about medication which I am really, really reluctant to explore, the modern drugs seem so dangerous.  I have managed my own depression for several years now without medicaton.  I try to take care of myself and take natural supplements and just get through the bad times the best way I can and although it might sound harsh, I told her she has to try to do the same.  Drugs aren't going to solve her social skills problems, only time, and thought, and maturity will do that.  And I don't believe she is clinically depressed, she is not happy with her situation, and a lot of that is of her own making and she needs to learn from it and deal with it now.
I am not depressed either, right now, I am sad at how my marriage has turned out, when I really believe I've done the best I can, and hung in through some really awful times.  He is starting to see that this isn't just another phase that will pass, but it hasn't made him make any sort of effort to make things better.  He got in and cleaned out the laundry yesterday, it's been a mess since we moved in here last April, and I appreciate him doing things like that, and told him so.  But we need to talk, and to listen, and to be honest with each other and he just either doesn't get it, or doesn't care. 
So for now, I am choosing to believe that good things are ahead for me, and for my children.  I am a good person, I am a special person and everything is going to be okay.  Eventually.
Another friend speaks of not feeling she can vent freely, as people tend to think they know what is best, and can't help but offer advice to her.  What we need to do is feel that we have a place to just write about our feelings, and our lives and feel that we are heard and not judged.  If we want advice, we will not hesitate to ask for it, but us women are very good at intuition and knowing what the right thing is, even though it may seem like it's taking us a long time to get around to that.