Honesty

Phill and I had a good hour walk yesterday morning, we walked down past the house we're thinking of renting, and right down past the big park and through the main street of town and back home again.  We chatted amicably about this and that.  We came home and did our own thing, he fell asleep in front of the tv as he'd worked all night and I went and got some supplies.  Later he went down and bought three tall bottles of beer (750ml the size of an average wine bottle) and came back and proceeded to drink those.  I had some meat out to bbq, I'd love to get back to our old habit of bbq on Saturday nights, which we did religiously for years when all the kids were little and all at home.  We ate and Harley (who is always chasing food lately and rightly so with four fat boys to feed) was scratching at the window screen in the dining room.  He let her in but I wouldn't let him give her any leftovers right away, as I feel that is rewarding bad behaviour.  He reached for the bowl and I just moved it out of his reach and explained why.  That was enough to make him cranky.  He commented "You know what you need?  Your own house".  Ya think?  I know I should have let it go, never argue with a pisshead but after he had flounced off to the tv room and slid the door shut dramatically I went in and calmly pointed out why I do certain things with the cat and he has never had cats (or animals at all) and doesn't really understand about rewards and training etc.  He remarked that cats are dumb animals and are only food driven and can't be trained to behave well.....when I realised he wasn't talking about himself (heh heh) I disagreed, and then I told him a few other home truths.  He needs to grow the fuck up, most of the time I can't have a sensible adult conversation with him, he talks drivel most of the time.  In fact lately I have noticed that increasingly he can't seem to string words together properly or form coherent sentences.  I wonder if these are the first signs of some kind of dementia? I also told him that the house is my domain and he needs to not intefere with my work, I don't go to his work and try to tell him how to drive trains.  I'm happy to do all the work but I have my own way of doing it and I know better than he does about running a house.   He stormed out then and went down and got three more bottles of beer, then came back and trotted out the same old bullshit he always does.  I left him to it and told him if he was going to get blind drunk he could sleep out on the lounge which he did!! SCORE!  One of his chestnuts is that I'm only here because I have nowhere else to go.  Yes, that is true and I am quite open and honest about that.  I'm not playing any games or pretending, but I also am not going out of my way to make life difficult or unpleasant for him, which I feel he sometimes does for me and that's not right.  I am doing the right thing, keeping the house, cooking meals, caring for the children.  If we have to be here together for these last few years of the kids' education the least we can do is try to be civil with each other.  Oh and he told me I am losing weight because I want to find another man.  Oh my God.  No matter what happens I will NEVER EVER get involved with a man again.  EVER. If that was what I wanted I could have got out long ago.  My aim is to become independent and live a simple, happy life ALONE.  That is my dream and what keeps me going.  But I am not going to walk away with nothing after giving 18 years to this gig.
I need to keep my head, I wasn't angry last night but I won't allow him to abuse me and some things can't be let slide.  I also don't want to ruin our plans for next weekend, so I'll keep my head down and stay out of his way.  I'm having an easy day today food wise.  I had tea and the new Belvita breakfast biscuits this morning, they really are filling.  I will have a salad sandwich for lunch and a WW frozen meal for dinner.  I'll make the kids something easy that they can choose and have a day off from cooking.  I have plenty of point free soup if I get hungry between meals.  I think I might be overdoing the fibre, too much too soon sort of thing so I'll take it easy on that. 
Off to hang the washing, it's another gorgeous Autumn day here.