Another Whinge

If you don't want to read my whingeing about my idiot husband x out now!
Today the kids wanted to go out to Narranderra.  Phill decided it was too far and didn't want to take the boat anyway (why we bought the boat I don't know if he's lost interest already, too lazy to hook up the trailer I think).  We decided on the mineral pool and headed off.  Then he decided we'd go to Burrinjuck instead as it was "only 84kms"  I thought he meant the state park where we've been before and which has nice facilities.  So we stocked up on supplies, got sausages and cold meat as we didn't know what the bbqs would be like and there is probably a total fire ban on.  Bread rolls, tomatoes, a date loaf, chips, drinks, cookies I found in the bag later not sure why we needed those when we had cake.  So we're driving and I asked why we weren't going through Jugiong, he mumbled something and headed off on the highway.  I mentioned I would like to explore Jugiong a bit as it looked like a really nice town when we came through on the way home from Sydney.  He ignored me.  So we're out on the highway and he realises he doesn't know where he is going.  The Navman was at home where he left it, if I'd known he didn't know the way I'd have grabbed it before we left.  So he drives and drives and swears and swears.  Then turns around and drives back the other way before realising he should have kept going in the first direction so turns around again.  I was starving because he'd rushed us out of the house and I didn't have breakfast OR a shower and I hate not having a shower, I feel awful.  We finally get to not the state park but a dingy and dodgy looking private "park" that had a dirty swimming pool, and horrible dirty hobbled together dwellings.  The lake smelled and the pool and only bbq area were right by a big workshop type thing with no ambience or privacy from the boofy men that were working there.  On top of that we had to PAY to get in, fair enough if the facilities were okay but they weren't.  If we'd taken the boat we'd have had to pay "launching fees" as well in spite of there not being a proper boat ramp.  Then after all the food we'd bought (we're living lean remember) he bought the kids ice creams when he went in to pay.  Before lunch.  I made a comment about it and he started the abuse (yawn).  I sat in the car and read my kindle and had a ham and tomato roll while he cooked sausages (and ate most of them).  There was no sauce for them, and he didn't bother cutting up the onion I bought.  So the kids just had sausages on rolls, must have been dry as they don't have butter.  Then they wanted to go in the lake, that was okay I wanted the kids to have a decent swim (not that it was) and again I sat in the car, it was horrible down there and I wasn't going in.  He drank beer after beer and took his sweet time while I sat in the hot car, there was nowhere else to sit anyway.  After a while I turned on the engine and closed the doors and sat in the cool of the a/c.  That got his attention!  On the way he'd driven along winding dirt roads at breakneck speed even after I'd politely asked him to slow down, those children are innocent passengers who don't really have a choice.  So on the way home, still drinking beer (I was praying he'd get pulled over lol) he drove really, really slowly, being a smart arse.  I just kept reading my book and he kept drinking.  I will NEVER get in the car when he is driving again.  I will not put myself or my children at risk of this buffoon.  I just counted the beers left from the carton and he must have drank a whole six pack before we got home.  I asked him to pull over so I could drive but he ignored me and kept driving.  What a fuckwit, seriously.  It's my own fault, one should never marry someone and become financially dependent on them within months of meeting, and I know I have father issues which contributed to that.  But nor will I ever not speak my mind.  He can dish it out, constantly criticising us, and abusing us, but when I do it back to him he can't take it.  Even when it is warranted, and it certainly was today.  And Emily copies him, she hurls the exact same abuse at me that he does when she's riled up. 
When we got home I sprinted out of the car and jumped in the shower, I'd sat in my hot swimming costume all day with clothes over the top.  I figured he'd go down and get something to cook for dinner.  Nope.  Knowing we had nothing in the house to cook, he kicked the kids out of the media room to sit and watch a movie and drink beer.  What a guy.  The kids were snacking on rubbish all the way home but I told them to tell me when they get hungry and I'll throw together a meal for them, I'm good at that. ;)  I bet he won't go hungry though, he eats non stop.  He won't be eating the leftovers though I dealt with them myself heh heh.
There I feel better already.  The only thing that keeps me going is my plan to get out when the time is right.  I mostly try to keep the peace and pretend for the kids' sake, and what's the point in fighting when there's nothing left to fight for?  My day will come, and like I said, I only have myself to blame for the situation I am in now. 
The Chinese chicken cups were pretty good last night but the kids didn't eat much of it, I made fried rice to go with it and I probably shouldn't have, it was too much. 
So I am determined I will not be unhappy (all the time) and not grow bitter.  I'll make the most of the life I have now and look to the future and a better life where I can get the old, confident, independent me back.