I am sitting in bed (fully dressed) at 2pm with my electric blanket on. This is two days in a row, it's so cold, why do I put my Winter clothes away so early every year? I'm also really tired, yesterday I dozed off in the afternoon and I never sleep during the day. I am wondering if it's hormonal, I think I'm finally going into menopause, I know I feel like I've been the bitch from hell for months now but I am suddenly feeling like the old me again.
Last night Phill talked to his mother about Vonnie's funeral arrangements and when I walked into the bedroom he was crying. I am all for men showing their feelings but I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen him weep in all the years we've been together. There's something just so heartbreaking about seeing that big strong man in tears. He talked about his sister, his big sister who was so loving and protective of him when he was little, Vonnie was the oldest and Phill is the youngest, younger than her by about 12 years, he tells the story of how she would come home from work when he was a little boy and always bring him something. It was good for him to talk and I just listened and comforted him as much as I could. So now it looks like there will be a private cremation sometime during the week and then a memorial service and a wake at a club down there. I really, really, really don't want to go, I know it's selfish but I can't do anything to make anything any easier for anyone by going. The kids want to go, but I've told them they must engage with the family, no sitting in the car this time. I suppose I could help Phill by taking the kids back to wherever we are staying so he can spend time with his family. That might solve both problems.
Phill and I drove into Wagga this morning so I could get my sister a pair of earrings for her 60th birthday which happened when she was overseas. They are from us and my other sister, I managed to get a really pretty pair of sapphire and diamond ones at a really good price. So we posted them off had lunch and came back home. I looked at some baby things but couldn't see anything I liked, and had a bit of a look at some Thomas the Tank Engine toys for Harvey for his birthday. I think I'll go up to Young next week and shop there instead.
Well I just booked the motel for Friday night so looks like I'm going.
2 comments:
Having had INLAWS FROM HELL I can empathize. You did the right thing though.
Hubby is like your Phill....
Good, bad or indifferent.
The loss of siblings is NEVER EASY and even my tough guy's wall came down during those times.
He's HARD like a rock, but HUMAN!
:0)
(((hugs)))
Its been cold here too since I came home - I only ever saw my lovely gentle dad cry once after his mother died - it shocked me and I remember it so well, he has been dead since 1969 and I can still see him sitting at our green laminex kitchen table - poor bugger - he sure had a raw deal in life - except that he and mum loved each other...
Don cried at Lassie type movies - cried when I held Jedda our old Cocker spaniel as she was put to sleep, cried when the cat he said he hated was injured and had to be also put to sleep - anything to do with animals - he cried just before going to the hospital that last time and I can't speak the reason as it could destroy a family who is unaware - was to do with something horrible he had done to him as a little boy - that night nearly bought me undone.
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