Beautiful Farewell

When my time comes that is how I want my funeral.  I suspect it wasn't quite what Vonnie had in mind when she planned it, but they didn't go over the top, it was simple, yet honoured her life.  I am so glad I went, I almost didn't, but raced around and packed at the last minute.  I mainly did it for the kids, especially Em who was closer to Vonnie than me and Josh were, but in the end I felt that I should have been there, I belonged there.
The service was at the funeral home, in a nice little chapel thingy.  Not at all what I expected, Von's coffin was there, it was just a normal funeral really. 
They had people get up and speak.  Seeing my oldest nephew in law get up and do what he probably does in his job every day, speak publicly, break down got to us all, but seeing my mother in law, who now in her eighties has always been an energetic and vibrant woman, look for the first time, like an old lady was just heartbreaking and brought everyone undone.  No mother should have to face this at her age, at any age really.
They did a beautiful photo show at the end, Phill's and Vonnie's dad is a talented photographer and has done some really nice work over the years, the early black and white pictures especially, and there were some photos of Von taken in hospital that were surprisingly lovely.  She seemed to have a quality about her, without makeup or any adornments, I wonder if it was just the acceptance of what her fate was and the serenity that it brought?  Easy for me to speculate, I wasn't there to witness the awful pain of her particular cancer, or the many indignities that go with any illness of that type.
I was so proud of Emily and Joshua. They sat quietly through the whole thing and were visibly moved, I think to see their grandmother and their father so distressed was part of it, but they are also old enough now, to understand death and the unfairness of life and nature.
We left and came back to the motel pretty much after the service, not before I was able to spend a little bit of time with my sister in law and brother in law and the two of their kids who attended, and my mother in law and Vonnie's remaining children.
The kids and I spent some time in the pool and spas and then ordered dinner and now as I type at almost 10.30 pm are hoping Phill will crash on a couch and not try to get a lift or a taxi back here, he was pretty drunk when I last spoke to him as were the rest of them that I could hear in the background.  We're all in the same room here so he's better off to be there I think (and so are we).
I think it was really helpful for my kids to do this today.  To pay their respects to their aunt, but to also learn something about life, and death and love and loss and grief and the human spirit that makes us all go on after loss, but never forgets.
It still really, really sucks.