I often think of something a fellow blogger has said on more than one occasion (usually when I've been whingeing about my husband or kids or both). She says "these ARE the good old days". Meaning that when the children have gone and Phill and I are on our own, or when I am on my own that I will look back on these days with fondness. And I know I will. I often reflect on the years when we had Kate at home and that time just seems so fleeting now. Times have been so difficult for me, and for our family, these past few years due to Emily that I have got into the dangerous habit of looking at the glass half empty instead of the other way around, which was always my nature. On Saturday they all went down to Albury and while I was so looking forward to having some time to myself, once they had gone, the house seemed so quiet and empty, and I felt lonely. I often feel lonely when they are here too so that probably isn't relevant.
This morning Phill went to get his boat license and the kids were doing things together, playing games and watching stuff on the tv/computer and being noisy and messy and I thought how nice and normal it all seemed.
Emily has a cold and I put some Vaseline into a little container for her to put on her sore nose. While I was standing there she just wiped her finger on the side of our (new) sofa. I had to laugh, but chastised her as well and went and got a tea towel and draped it beside her after I'd cleaned it off. She's a little piggy, hard to believe a child of mine has such dirty habits. Phill saw it though and called her a few choice names, not necessary but I can understand his frustration with her. She got nasty then and of course blamed me. She always blames me. She can be so self involved, and so very selfish, and nasty and cruel and never seems to see or acknowledge the hurt she causes us. I wonder if this will be something she grows out of or will I just have to white knuckle it till she finally leaves home and takes her vitriol to spread further afield?
And I feel so cheated. I love her so much but it's like she takes that love and twists it around and just hurls it back at me. Every day. We can't have the relationship that I thought we would have, not much of a relationship at all now as I spend most of my time just staying out of her way, to keep the peace and protect myself, from several things. From being hurt, from conflicts starting and from being blamed for everything that is wrong with her life.
I'm sitting out the back and it's so nice here on this sunny and warm Spring afternoon. I can hear James Taylor singing on the stereo and can smell the lamb roast that I have in the oven and life is good. I think the biggest lesson I've learned from the Emily crap is that I can't just sit around and hope that things get better. I have to DO something, and when it was apparent that nothing I did for her was going to make any difference I had to turn my attention to myself and make some changes, some big changes. And that is what I have done, and it's working.
I will turn 52 in just under two weeks and I am looking forward to it. It kind of seems like a nice number.
5 comments:
Truth be told...as I have seen it.
No matter what you do or don't do for some of your kids it's never the right thing or enough. It;s just FACT! Sigh!
Remembering one instance when my oldest daughter was 16 she wanted to take off to FL with her boyfriend and I finally gave up the "fight." Later in life she was quick to say.." why didn't you stop me." Not once...more like whenever she was pissed off at me.
I was a Stay At Home mom back then, didn't drink, didn't smoke....all that hype on why kids do what they do...is BULL SHIT!
NO MORE blaming yourself m/f. ;0)
Some kids....just don't get it until later in life. For some...much,much later.
Kids have rose from a horrible background and become successful, well adjusted people.
How can that be ???
Trish....I've said and will say it again to some of my kids....when you get through raising your kids, then you can tell me what I did wrong raising mine!" :0)
(((HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)))
I told a friend who asked about my kids, 2 of them dont' even talk to me...she looked at me for a minute and said 'you lucky bitch.'
still makes me laugh
YOU love her so much and SHE takes it for granted because she simply can! Don't think about it, don't judge it. Just continue to love her and stick to your guns. I can honestly stand back and not judge either of you, I know you both a little I think and I love you both. She is doing what teens do and she will get away with whatever you choose to let her get away with. And you will continue to get frustrated because you love her and you are her mummy and you want for her only the best that you can give her......BUT...sometimes...what we think is the best is not necessarily on par with what they think, you know? Think back, you have been there before. My oldest believe it or not gave me a bit of grief from age 11 to about 17, the other day she said to me...MUM I LOVE YOU.....you never gave up... you loved me no matter what....and although I thought you were too strict and did not let me do all the things I thought I should....I can now see why! Absence really does make the heart grow fonder! Branching out into the real world.....responsibility is required and they learn. While they are given everything and rely on everything we give them and do for them...how on earth will they know what it takes to live, learn and get on with life? I have told you before and I will tell you again, you have a little gem there. She IS a good girl! Just love her and hug her! And be her mum! You don't have to be her friend! Just sayin' As for the snot disgust, I have a certain young lady who used to do that! Gross but really? A sweetheart underneath! And no it was not the 1st one, more like the third! Horrible child that one! She wants to run away without me! How rude~!
Big hugs to you both xoxoxoxox
When life is crap it reassures me that nothing ever stays the same and change is inevitable. Yet its not so reassuring when life is great. Everyday can be different but we can be the constant.
The changes in your attitude are amazing. I love that your energy is focused on you. You are so positive despite everything. Be so proud of yourself, all your hurt, pain and anguish is making you so strong.
The quiet is awful I can attest to this - and you find yourself wondering "how did I end up totally alone?" thats the shocker...not to worry this is not to negate the really serious issues you face with Em I would not do those mid teen years again with our girls for all the tea in China...
what exact date is your birthday please at 52 - just a baby!
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