Congratulations, Here's a Healthy 9lb Bundle of Guilt

I know we women need our maternal instincts to ensure the survival of the species etc but why does it have to include this cursed guilt over everything and why are we mothers blamed if something should go wrong with one of our children?  It's a horrible feeling and frankly it's wearing me out and wearing me down.  It's taking all my strength right now not to just curl up in a ball in the corner and stay there.
She comes home last night, glad to see me, but cocky and with new clothes and a bunch of scrapbooking gear bought for her by her grandmother and her cousin's wife, who I barely know and Em has never met.  When I commented on being rewarded for bad behaviour she started ranting about how all she had when I "kicked her out" was the clothes on her back.  Not true at all, I don't know what she did with the clothes I put into a bag for her before she left but she must have really done a number on the inlaws.  I am sure they would have heard some tall stories about me.  Why isn't Phill to blame?  He did step up and get involved but in the wrong way in my opinion and it's certainly a rare occurrance when I am left  here 99% of the time to put up with her shit. 
And the funny thing is that if I read or heard of another woman who was in my situation I would totally support and understand her doing what I did under the circumstances.  If we can be so understanding and supportive of our sisters, why can't we do that for ourselves?
Emily still has the attitude this morning, it would appear that she has learned nothing at all from the whole ordeal.  She had no clean school clothes this morning and went to school in totally inappropriate shorts and a sleeveless top.  She will not bring her dirty clothes out of her room and I refuse to go in there anymore to get them as it's a health hazard.  Her white school shirts are all horribly stained like she's wiped something on them and I am soaking them in Napisan but doubtful if all the stains will come out.  This is Emily.  We will buy her a top and the next day it will be either ripped or stained or both.  But it will be me who is blamed for not providing her with new clothes or clean clothes.  She is fifteen when will she take some responsibility?  She told me she had a shower every day when she was at the inlaws.  So am I somehow stopping her from showering?  That's what was implied.  I was living on my own at sixteen, and apart from a few stints when I went back to mum and dad, have been independent ever since.
Anyway they've gone back to school now although I expect a phone call saying she is not properly dressed for school.  It's not hot here today she could have worn her long pants, who knows where her new school skirt and shorts are. 
But I'm going to try to put the whole thing out of my mind today, I am going to get my hair cut and coloured and concentrate on me for a change.
I read on the Toughlove website of a father who wouldn't accept that his teenage son was out of control so the mother decided that dad would be responsible for his discipline and he soon changed his tune.  I think I might try that with Emily and Phill.