Today is nine years since my oldest brother, Chris, was murdered. We, I thought, had a fairly normal upbringing, five kids, I was the youngest, he was the third born, the first son. Maybe it wasn't so normal, who knows when you have little to compare it with? Chris did things he shouldn't have done and ultimately he paid the price, but a price he didn't need to pay. It's funny that being on the road today didn't bring back vivid memories of the day he died but it was a different road, and for a different reason and with different passengers. That drive up to Sydney on New Year's Day 2002, with 12 year old Kate for company (thank GOD) was a surreal and horrible journey, and what followed changed me forever.
I loved my brother, although we were estranged when he died (for very sound reasons on my part). I have so many mixed feelings about him and his death and it would be an insult to his memory to praise and sugar coat him here. I feel more for our mother really, she still feels his loss so keenly, even after all these years.
I did light a candle for him on the memory shelf tonight, I've been slack in that, even with our Sarah (but she understands), but felt it was right for some reason. Didn't talk to any of my family for New Year and that's okay too. I'm on the brink of back in touch with my second daughter and that will happen naturally too when it's meant to.
So. Chris. What would I say to you today?
Probably just this, and you will understand.
Albatross.
4 comments:
You die but once, but those that loved you die a thousand times over.
I agree with the previous comment. I think the hardest thing for the living is that we are left with unresolved or unfinished business but I do believe with time comes acceptance - and some healing
I have the same problem of unresolved feelings ...when my mother was killed, I never got a chance to make amends or let her even try..sad..
The risk we human beings take in loving much is that the inevitable death of one before the other - leaves such devastation - but where would we be without that love - in whatever is there for us all - your brother understands the beginning and ending and all in between - understands his good and bad points and why...and knows that the love is there and that earthly troubles have no part in the greatness of our spirits.
Post a Comment