Morning Mood

That would be BAD.  3am I hear Emily throwing up so I go out to see if she's okay, hold her hair, get her back to bed and then back to bed myself but of course I can't sleep because the Friday I was looking forward to, as being a normal day has now gone out the window.  I know I'm hard hearted but why does she only get sick when school is approaching?  She was well enough to chow down on a grand Angus, chips and an ice cream thingy last night.  I am so tired of these problems with her and I know I should be more patient and pro-active etc but I am what I am.  Readers of my earlier blogs know that this has been an ongoing thing for years now with her and I feel like we have done everything we can possibly do to help her.
When I did get back to sleep I dreamed of giant redback spiders biting us and then the usual being lost and separated from my family etc so I woke up not very happy at all.  I didn't ask Em how she was feeling just assumed she was going to school and so far, miracle of miracles, she's dressed and ready to go.  Soon when the doctor's surgery opens I will ring and make appointments for the both of us for this afternoon.  I have struggled on my own long enough and I think I need some kind of chemical help whether it's antidepressants again or something else.  I may as well get some blood tests done too to see where I am at hormonally.
We have an appointment at ten with Em's year advisor at school, a formality I think, as everyone else up there has tried to help us and couldn't.  This will be the step before I start badgering the Education Department as to what the legalities are.  Why have compulsory schooling if there are no steps in place to enforce it?  I am so scared what will become of her without a sound education.  I'm too old for this shit.
And I have grocery shopping to do and a horribly messy house, including what I fear are soy sauce stains on Emily's bedroom carpet.  Wish me luck with that one, soy sauce is harder than ink to get out.  Yes we have a "no food in the bedrooms" rule believe it or not but that must have slipped past us.  I'm also implementing time limits on the computers and modem off at bedtime for everyone.  And hopefully more outside activities.
This is just an experiment in trying to improve my mood, by writing, which is always helpful, and planning strategies, rather than just sitting around whingeing.
At least if I had a "diagnosed" child with a disability there would be help out there, and probably lots of it.  No help it seems for behavioural problems, especially in rural areas.
Better get on the blower for some doctor's appointments and then into the shower.
Man those spiders were huge, and those fangs!
9.15am
Surprise, surprise the school phoned to say Emily is in sick bay and very sick.  Phill said she was happy as Larry (whoever he is) when he dropped her off at 9.
Watch this space, Trishy is about to implode at any moment.
Later....
We took our time going up to the school as neither of us were dressed, Phill hadn't even showered so we got there pretty much in time for the appointment with the year advisor at 10.  I love our school, I really do and we should know, having been with several not so great ones.  The principal is the loveliest man, he called me into his office as we sat in the foyer and I joked and said "oh no what have I done, am I in trouble, do I have to write lines?"  He was showing me Em's painting on the wall of his office (again) and I reminded him that I'd already seen it there.  Later I wondered if it was his way of trying to remind me of Em's strengths.  He has this way of kind of figuratively patting your hand as if to say "It's okay, I've seen all this before and it will turn out fine".  Very reassuring, and so different to the past principal who just wanted to either blame the parents or suspend everyone.  He also has a wonderful staff surrounding him who truly care about the kids and go above and beyond, often.  Anyway Em was balled up in the sick bay and I checked on her and was stern.  Then the principal though,, in reply to Phill's query ,said that yes there is a stomach bug going around the school and not everyone in every family necessarily gets it.  I felt like a first class heel (still waiting for that Mother of the Year award).  The year advisor was very nice but also very new to the job and didn't know Em at all (she bloody will though, the whole faculty will know her by the time she gets finished high school!) and although I know she can't really do anything it's good that she's aware of our problems. 
She also had a good suggestion that I hadn't thought of and we parted, me having a joke with our prinicipal about pitching a tent in the foyer, and we took our girl home.
I had made an appointment for both of us for midday so I had time to race down and do the rest of the grocery shopping, which was the last thing I felt like doing but we were out of everything then we came home and went to the surgery.  I went in first.  Our new doctor is female and very young, new to town and this may well be her first GP posting.  She listened to my concerns and decided I had to have a pap test then and there.  I shamefully confess it's been years.  It was a little weird after so long, even though I've had so many kids and sooo many of those types of examinations.  But she was professional and kind and even had a sense of humour and I'm so glad I had it done.  She ordered blood tests and an ultrasound and didn't automatically write me a script for happy pills which impressed me.
When Emily came in she took her time and talked so gently to her and with so much understanding, even recounting her own teenage angst years which I thought was great.  She asked me to leave so she could talk to Em on her own and then we discussed medication and I agreed with her that we should try antidepressants.  She prescribed some anti nausea medication and also an a/d.  But when I got home and researched that it turned out to be Prozac and we all agreed that would have to be a last resort.  I will get the nausea pills made up to get her through her exams next week and she needs to see the doctor again next Friday and if that isn't better she will need to have further tests.
So I had my blood taken and made the other necessary appointments and we came home.  Later I went in to check on Emily and she showed me a beautifully made up chart she had made.  She suggested that if she got herself up every day next week without me nagging, and got herself fully ready for school and actually WENT to school for the week she could have the reward of having the tv back in her room.  I was surprised and so impressed at her effort and thought and we agreed, with stipulations.  She is trying and that is something.  I'd give her the bloody thing just to go to school each day to be honest without all the other stuff she promised.  I know that after the exams it's silly season till the end of term but I drop the ball now (even more than I have) it can only make thing worse for her.  She just hates school and some kids do and alternatives have to be found for them.  There is a new law that says they have to stay at school till they're 17 unless they have a secure job or further education.  We told her that if she sticks out year ten and it's still horrible, we can look into her doing some kind of TAFE course.  I made the mistake of putting my expectations onto Kate and while I thought I was doing the right thing at the time I probably wasn't.  As long as they're happy and contributing and supporting themselves that is enough.  Just because I didn't fulfil my potential (by a looong shot) it has nothing to do with my kids who will make their way with our love and support.
I so wish I could tell you about the conversation Emily and I had when the doctor left the office, and also the card she is hand making for her brother right now in her room.  But alas I suspect many wouldn't understand our family type humour. 
So.......evening mood.  Better.  And tomorrow is Saturday thank goodness.