View from the front porch.
View from back porch.
And my cleverly designed antidote.
I braved the torrential rain and went down and got dinner, three lovely salmon tails and doings for a Greek salad, we'll have that with home made chippies and crusty bread. Got a Pecan Danish for dessert.
The kids set the Wii up in the loungeroom, the whole house is shaking but they're exercising so it's all good. Laughing as well, I hear it drift into my little sanctuary and it lifts my spirits, which have been down a bit, missing Phill and sick of this awful weather.
The rain still falls and the wind howls about the eaves of this old house. More cracks seem to appear in the walls and ceilings every day and while I dutifully report it to the real estate I can't help think that karma is playing a part here. If we got a quake even half of what NZ got early today this place would crumble and disintegrate. I'd hate to be a landlord, if I was I'd be like our dear Judy in Western Australia who had the biggest heart, but then we were model tenants. I know what bad tenants are like, I worked in real estate long enough, but I also know that good tenants are like gold and that many landlords just don't appreciate them. I can see the letterbox from where I sit on my bed and there is something in there although the postie didn't stop yesterday. Could it be a notice to quit the premises?
I think I'm feeling a bit sad because of Katy's 21st birthday which is Thursday. I had so many hopes and dreams for her when she was born. She gave me back the family I had so foolishly squandered when my older three went to live with their father what a HUGE mistake that was. She was a model child, never any trouble, went through the teens drug/boy/alcohol free and just fucked off at age 17 back to Western Australia never to return. I didn't get to give her an 18th party and chose not to give her a 21st this year for several reasons. I still miss her and can't believe she just up and left us all. Emily is still really hurt and bitter about it, Joshy less so. Phill is just bewildered. He was a bit of a stern dad to her, but he CHOSE to be her father, she was three when I met him and the only Daddy she ever knew and he loved and still loves her. I hope one day she will see that he's not all bad. She is in retail management now at last, and is studying at Uni again, not what I thought she would study but studying nevertheless. I just miss her. My baby girl.
I think I need another martini.
4 comments:
Ummm okay...what I have been telling myself the past couple of weeks...its her journey....she needs to live it herself..does not mean she loves you any less! Hugs and smoochies mama! xoxoxoxo
Seriously, its a good thing to raise a child who is confident enough to strike out on their own! You did a PERFECT job lovely! :-) (Oh and she will only thank you for it when she is a mama herself!)
I cant bear the thought of my children leaving me, I really feel for you, I remember someone telling me that we don't own our kids, they are just on loan to us. I think that's why I blog to capture this amazing and challenging time.
We also rely heavily on alcohol to soften the aches of the day/month/year. So cheers to you my friend.
I left at 17 but not too far - and came back often. Usually I go about 3/4 months in between seeing my girls and it is really hard not to plead with them to please come home for a visit at least once a year - I wouldn't say this to them as they seem so caught up in busy lives...and when I can afford it I get down to them - if they would only live in the same city I would move closer - I know how you feel and WA is such a long way away - a shame she has not kept in touch better - I can't say that about mine - we talk often - your drinkie looks nice - what is it? Can't drink spirits sadly - only the old Kardonnay
we got that kind of rain here too..some places got 9 inches in just a few hours...floods every where.
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