Blueberry Head

I must read too much entertainment news I think.  Mel Gibson (who was born in New York state in the USA NOT Australia), has been accused of more racial taunts and slurs by his ex lover who secretly taped said rants.  Remember a few years back when he drunkenly had an anti semetic rant at some cops who pulled him over while he was driving over the limit?  I have never liked Gibson but now he's just lost the plot.  Oh and another cringeworthy actor,  the phone throwing Russell Crowe also is not Australian, he was born in New Zealand.  I hate it when these buffoon types get attributed to Australia.  We have so many talented and dignified talents who are Aussie, but it's the idiots who make the news.

Woke up to a dead fire and a cold. cold house so I decided to have a hot shower to warm up.  Then I remembered the hair dye I bought a while ago so thought I'd put that in, the brown colour I put in is fading and drab.  That had to stay in for half an hour so I ran a bath and put some bath oil in it and sat and shaved my legs and soaked for a while then hopped in the shower and used my new shower cream wash thingie and rinsed out the colour.  Then I got out and smothered myself with cocoa butter lotion and did my nails and now I feel very pampered and pretty and I smell nice and have a blueberry head.  And I'm finally warm!

Last night I made Osso Buco for Phill and I in the oven.  I got four veal shanks for $4 odd, I do love a meat bargain.  The kids had pork loin marinated in their favourite bottle teriyaki marinade.  I made a Lemon Delicious but my oven is dodgy and no matter how low I set it, seems to over cook everything.  I had it in the wrong size dish too I think, it tasted good but went too brown on top.  Going to start sourcing some microwave pudding recipes.

Doing chicken parmigiana tonight, chicken breast fillets are on special at Woolies.  I got hold yesterday of a big file of really good slow cooker recipes.  A lot of slow cooker recipes are American so often include ingredients we don't have here, or want to whack tins of soup in everything.  These recipes are simple with easily obtained ingredients and I'm looking forward to trying them.  It's shaping up to be a long cold Winter so comfort food will be the order of the day.

I am so excited that Ali and Matt and Harvey are coming to visit next week.  It had to fall on our off pay week and $$ are a bit short right now, always seems to be the way this time of year for some reason.  But I can still give them a nice visit and spoil them with some good meals.  From photos little Harvey, who is just over eight months old, has grown and changed since we saw him in Sydney in April.  He's a beautiful little boy, and more like his mother now especially looking at baby photos of her.  Doing Ali's scrapbook really took me back to when she was a baby, I'm looking forward to revisiting that with all of my children as I go through and do a book for each one.  I read an interesting article in one of the Sunday supplements today about a mother feeling that she didn't, couldn't, love one of her children, who was two and half at the time when she'd just had her second child.  I know that mothers reading this will feel horrified that anyone could admit to that, and I felt anger when I started reading.  But I wonder how many mothers have feelings like that and feel so ashamed and alone.  I never felt like that when my children were little, although I remember feeling different about Ali when Mandy was first born, the first time I saw her after the birth she seemed so big and not a baby anymore even though she was only fifteen months old.  This shocked me, and I made an effort to still treat her as a baby even though I had a newborn as well.  It must have worked well as the two bonded and were very close as children and I don't remember any jealousy on Ali's part.  I have had to step back emotionally from both Amanda and my 20 year old Katherine.  Amanda is a very manipulative person and has done some things to deliberately hurt me.  Kate hurt me deeply when she ran away to Western Australia when she was 17, and again recently when she lied about considering coming home, then making it clear that she has no intention of doing any such thing, probably ever.  I think we all need to take steps to protect ourselves from being hurt so badly by others, even our own offspring.  I wonder if I ever hurt my own mother like that?  I must ask her.  I left home at 16 but I only went to Sydney, they were living in Sawtell at the time, about 350kms away.  And I went back several times, some of them as an adult when I got myself into trouble.  We swallow the myth of motherhood and then feel shame when it doesn't turn out the way we expect.  But when I am with my oldest, I just enjoy being with the good, kind and funny person she has become, and I can't wait to see her again.