Last Day

I wish we could stay longer but that's the price we pay for having pets.  The weather has been perfect, none of the predicted rain so far.  Yesterday Phill and the kids took the boat out into the bay to fish.  They caught lots but had to throw them all back as they were too small, they even caught a flounder and a whiting, something we've never done.  I went shopping and had a bit of time to myself here at the cabin.  I went and picked them up and we came back and made a lovely dish of fresh mussels with garlic, chilli, lemongrass, white wine and coriander.  We sat out on the deck and shared them with some crusty bread.  Doesn't get much better than that!

Emily threw a line in the creek just outside the cabin and suddenly she was reeling in fish!  We all got in on the act and must have caught about 20 bream, all but one of them had to go back, but Phill cooked the one that was big enough and the kids ate it right out of the pan.  Now that's fresh fish!

They've gone out fishing again this morning and this afternoon we're going up to Burrill Lake to visit my mother, which I am not looking forward to at all but it's a duty thing I guess.  Then we're going to explore up there a bit and maybe get some prawns and oysters for dinner again. 

 

Later...........We drove up to Mum's, it's about a half hour drive north of here.  I felt really low and anxious about it, I haven't seen her for a couple of years, but we speak regularly on the phone.  Sometimes she's okay, often she is testy and whiney.  She didn't seem overly glad to see us, paid virtually no attention to her grandchildren and put the kettle on for tea.  She got two grubby mugs out for Phill and me and a little cup and saucer for her that had black bits of something in the cup.  I didn't say anything, it's not worth the drama, but poured the tea and put in milk for us all.  She picked up her cup and said "this tea looks bitty today".  I had to stop myself laughing.  She was dirty in the kitchen even before she got old, I don't know where my sisters and I get our clean habits from.

Mum doesn't ask many questions, mainly talks about herself.  She pointed out her new back fence and then started going on about the old fence and how she had no privacy and at night if she wanted to duck outside in her nightie the whole street could see up it.  She meant the side passage way but it sounded like everyone could see up her nightie.  I made the mistake of looking at Emily who was in my direct line of vision, although Mum couldn't see her.  I had to get up and walk down the passage to stop from cracking up, pretending to inspect the rest of the fence.  We stayed an hour and a half and only that long because my shit stirring husband kept egging Mum on and asking questions about the cruise she went on recently to New Zealand.  The kids were about to cut their own throats by this stage but they never said a word, bless them.  She made no cracks about my appearance, amazingly.  Finally I found a gap in her non stop yakking and stood up and said it was time to leave.  She kept talking, so I got the kids up and ushered them into the flat and toward to front door.  I could hear Josh muttering under his breath "we're so close, so close to freedom".  I shushed him.  Finally we were in the car and off and I think she was as glad to see us go as we were to go.  On the drive back here I thought about my childhood and my relationship with my mother.  When you're growing up you don't have any frame of reference really, for what is normal, and what is "right".  Only when you are grown up with kids of your own can you look back and see the stuff that wasn't right, and wasn't good, and as I'm far from a perfect parent myself, I know my own children will do this also.  But the difference between me and my mother is, I will ALWAYS love, care about and be interested in my children and grandchildren no matter what distance and obstacles are put between us through circumstance.  I can't even say I feel any love for my mother, and that is so, so sad.  But a one way relationship can only last for so long, no matter what the blood ties.  I rang my sister tonight, who does so much for Mum and asked how she puts up with her.  "With great difficulty" was her answer.  She is a saint my darling big sister, who was more than a mother to me than Mum was really.

I am sitting out on the deck of the cabin.  It's wonderfully cool tonight, I can hear the waves crashing on the beach behind me, and the mullet in the creek just metres away jumping and splashing in the water.  We got Chinese takeaway tonight for our last hurrah before we head home tomorrow.  This has been a wonderful break away for all of us, we all thoroughly enjoyed it and it did a lot to heal some stuff that has happened lately.  After being with my mother today, I appreciate our little family so much more.  We are comfortable with each other, we love each other and have each others' backs, always, even if we fight and spat and despair of each other at times.  When it really counts we come together, we are a family. I love to see what Phill has taught his children about fishing and lots of other things.  I love to see him doing the stuff with them that his dad did with him.  That my parents never did with me.

Okay gotta go in my battery is going fl