Challenging

I lost half a kilo yesterday which is a healthy loss although not as much as I would have liked, but I know why it happened, as always exercise is the key for me, also a few dietary issues and I will be addressing both of those this week.

I  have pretty much made my peace, for now, with my domestic situation.  My marriage pretty much sucks, and there is only so much that can be done when only one person is willing to make changes (that would be me).  But sometimes it all gets to me and I start to feel a bit sorry for myself, which is how yesterday ended up.  I got up this morning feeling marginally better but still a bit low.  My self talk is that I got myself into this situation and I was smart enough and old enough to see the signs before it was too late but I did nothing.  I cannot change things without hurting and uprooting my son and taking a huge fall re my living conditions which I am  not at this time prepared to do.  So after months of soul searching and debating with myself I decided to stay put and just make the best of it, which I can normally do.  I need some purpose to my life that isn't just about being a mother and homemaker, although I take both those jobs seriously and do the best I can.  My choices are limited given where I live but I'm an eternal optimist and know I will find something.  I know I have made huge changes to the state of my health, which will be ongoing, for the rest of my life.  But these changes have also cleared my thinking processes and made me see things as they really are, which is both challenging and confronting.

Beautiful day here, Phill offered to go for a walk this morning, so  I said if he'd get dressed and go down and get some salmon tails for dinner before they're all gone, I will get dressed and be ready to go for a walk when he gets back. 

Plans for today, I will tend my garden, and turn it over for some new plants at the back.  I want to pull out that pumpkin vine and make it nice up there.  I've claimed it for my own and I can experiment and do what I want with it which will be fun.
I will work on my book, the early family history which I want to include, and which is important, is bogging me down so I will find a chapter that I really want to write and work on that.  I can cobble it all together when it's finished.  I also want to do some research on nutrition, and also osteoporosis which my sister was diagnosed with this week.  She is 60 but very fit, eats all the right things etc and is devastated at this latest turn of events.  So I want to find out what else could cause this to happen.  Emily's school work should arrive today and that will be the start of some other huge changes around here.  I will be her legal supervisor and I will be taking that very seriously and will do my very best to encourage her to get into a good study routine, which will mean keeping a clean and tidy environment and having a loose timetable.  She has taken to gaming until the small hours of the morning and once she starts school that will stop.  I will be taking the modem to bed with me every night.  Watch this space for fireworks! ;)

Oh I do love blogging, my spirits have risen just be being able to get it all out here.  I've been waiting so long for something good to "happen".  It's not going to, I have to make things happen and I have to take control of what little I can still control in my life now.