Smells Like Christmas

I have to be honest and say I struggle these days with the concept of Christmas.  I am far away from my mother and siblings and their families, we used to all get together way back in the day when we all lived in Sydney.  Two of my children don't even speak to me, another of them is on the other side of the country and while we have a wonderful relationship now, I miss her being here.  I won't get to see my grandsons at all and Santa doesn't visit our house anymore.  My biggest dilemma though is "what's it all about?"  I am not religious at all so there isn't any meaning there for me.  I go through the motions because I still have children at home and it is expected of me but really, what does it all mean?  It's so remote from the Christmases of my childhood.  We weren't poor by any means, Dad had his own business and Mum didn't have to go to work and we lived quite comfortably but Christmas was a time of fun and treats that we wouldn't normally get.  We always got a nice present, ONE present, although I remember my mother would fill a pillow case with little things, I don't even remember what, I only remember the stone fruit she would wrap individually in cellophane, a throwback from her own childhood in the 1930s, when such things were real luxuries.  We would have roast chicken for our Christmas dinner, it was expensive and a special meal back then.  Mum would always make a Christmas pudding with coins in it (pre decimal currency).  Gran would probably come over and bring us presents as well.  The grown ups would get tipsy in the afternoon and us kids would play with our presents and get in the pool or whatever.  On Boxing Day I think we would go to Grandfather's at Hunters Hill, and spend the day in their in ground pool, when they had the house right on the Gladesville River above the old ferry wharf, and later in the house they had further up near the oil refinery.  We would get a joint present from them, we got Twister one year, I remember us playing it in the "good room".  Grandfather's awful wife probably had apoplexy or something.  God she was a bitch.
We didn't have lights on our tree, or bon bons (Christmas crackers).  Mum had the same decorations every year, weirdly my favourite was an old chocolate box that was shaped like a lantern and Mum had put coloured cellophane in the holes for windows and for some reason hung it on the tree.  Another favourite was a plastic model of Santa in his sleigh with his reindeer.  That would go on the mantel piece or somewhere.  She also had these tinsel things that would go in vases on each end of the mantel piece above our long redundant fireplace.
I discovered there was no Santa the year I turned 11, when I heard Mum come into my room late on Christmas Eve to put the canvas pool that was my present that year, by my bed.  I've only just realised why that age was the age I had to tell my own children the truth about Santa.  I think I pretended for another year or two but then the jig was up.
Being the youngest by several years, it was really good when my brothers and sisters got to the stage of having their own money and would buy gifts as well.
Now, my own two youngest children are so spoiled and have everything a kid could want.  They still get excited about Christmas though and not just the presents.  They love the traditions and I'm glad of that.  I wonder how they will celebrate when they have children of their own? 

I have no idea where all that came from (I'm still sick so it's probably delerium or something) I was just going to post about my latest fruit cake.  This time I used fresher dried fruit (if that makes any sense) and added some glace cherries and ginger as well as chopped macadamias.  I soaked it overnight in the sugar, spice and dark rum and this morning added the butter and bi carb and simmered it for a while.  It smells like Christmas, like the Christmas of my childhood when Mum would have the cake or pudding mix soaking on the stove and we would walk past and take a spoonful, I'm sure she made extra knowing we all did it (there were five of us kids).  Later, when it's cold I will add the eggs and flour and this time I'm going to top it with the rest of the nuts, cherries and ginger and make a toffee syrup thingie to go on it when it's cooked and cooled down.  I will then hide it from my menfolk for a while so we actually get to have some at Christmas!

I woke up after a bad night coughing my heart out.  Darling Phill (this week) came in with cough medicine he had got me yesterday and a cup of tea and I eventually felt better.  He has gone to Wagga on secret Christmas business.  He told the kids he was going to work which was funny.  There are going to be two VERY surprised children on Christmas morning this year, and that's not easy, as it's so hard to keep secrets from them these days.

The Christmas train broke, it isn't even a proper Christmas train it's just a loco with one carriage, I think Ken, the newsagent man, got them cheap from Taiwan or somewhere, but Phill took it back and got another one, and the kids added their own brand of silliness in the form of Magno thingies.

They tied one of them up as in the old movies and put it on the track.  Still, we are a railway family after all.

Aren't these bon bons nice?  I had to dig around to find them, the others were all crappy red and green colours.  I always try to get the best crackers, but was being frugal when I went shopping and got the next ones down but I love them.  If only we had two more people for Christmas dinner. Want to come?  We have turkey.......